I wanted to relate today's discussion of Virtual Communities to Vickery's questions in her essay. She asks, “How are blogs enabling a sense of community [for adolescent girls]? Assuming girls create communities via blogs […] why do these communities matter? More specifically, what are the social and/or cultural implications of these online blogging communities for adolescent girls, specifically with relation to their sense of identity.” Speaking similarly on the subject, I would like to address girls' use of forums on mediums such as Myspace. I will take a personal approach to the topic, since I have a closely related experience.
Similar to a blogring, forums on Myspace (and other sites) have the ability to create communities for girls. At 19, I was single and pregnant (off and on with the father in jail blah blah etc.) and found myself living with my parents again for 3 months. This was by no means my first choice, but having had a whirlwind first trimester of living in the streets and in my car, to finally have enough for a week to week room rental, to being evicted (our rent money was stolen) and so again homeless (my car was impounded), I gave up and moved back in with my parents. My son's father was not allowed to stay so he was homeless and moved to Orlando to live at Covenant House, a homeless shelter for youth.
My life was an absolute mess, but at the same time I was becoming more and more grounded as my pregnancy hormones were stabilizing my despair that had landed me where I was. I had hope again, but was still extremely confused, and with really no one to turn to. Old friends? Forget about that romantic notion -- most of the people you thought would stick around through thick and thin didn't have time for me anymore -- with parties and drugs and all that other exciting stuff going on for them. My parents only reluctantly took me back, under the condition my baby's father leave, and I get a job. I was happy to work, and had been previously before getting evicted, but had to quit because my morning sickness was too unbearable. I ended up getting two jobs, and riding my bike to work for two restaurants from 9am-8pm (40-60 hrs a week) for the next 3 months.
Ok trying to move this story along, living with my parents was miserable (as expected). The comments on my appearance and choices was never-ending. My father reprimanded me for exposing my stomach, while his friend felt oh so entitled to tell me I was a "loser." I was offered a trip to Spain in exchange for getting an abortion. Of course, my mother was keen to agree with all of the above. I knew I had made some mistakes, but it was clear in my mind that was a phase and I had already moved on. I needed to connect with other people who understood what I was going through.
This is where Myspace came in handy for my survival. It helped me to deal with my emotions by posting blogs on my page, and also as a way to seek out an understanding community. I searched a few different group topics with intent to find some new friends. Two friends, whom I still remain close with today, are both in fact male (now 20 & 29), and were found through separate group searches of bands/musicians I admire. They both gave me the opportunity to chat with them online about what was going on my life without judging me. More importantly, I found a group made by young pregnant women for young pregnant women -- FUBU prenatal -- but, actually, entitle "Knocked Up." :)
The group was a lifesaver. The settings were set to private, so that once we had reached around 20 participants, no one new was allowed in without approval of the moderator/group creator, and preferably with suggestion of an existing member. At one point we even had a male single father, a friend of one of the girls in the group, whose contribution was invaluable as well. The topics were wide open and anyone could post about anything they wanted to -- how they were feeling physically, questions about pregnancy and labor, relationship problems, recipes, pictures, etc. There was RARELY fighting or any cattiness, and I honestly felt close to several of the girls. Three girls lived in Florida, and coincidentally we all had due dates near each other. I met all three in person several times, and two made it to my son's first birthday. I still in keep in touch with all three, and have even visited one in New York since she has moved there.
Although, many of the girls I never met and do not keep in touch with anymore, the relationships I formed with them online at that time was absolutely necessary for me to stay positive and grounded. My identity online was more real than my identity in the face-to-face world. Online I was a person, face-to-face I was a statistic. Something else I came to recognize was that in life you really are going through it all alone, but that at least, everyone else is too. Hearing other girls' stories and experiences gave me the perspective that I needed to forge ahead. Girls NEED blogs and online communities BECAUSE their needs are not being met in the real world.
No comments:
Post a Comment